Martha Washington: Wealthy Widow, Intrepid Wartime Wife

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When Martha Dandridge was growing up in the 1740s on the Pamunkey River in colonial Virginia, no crystal ball or fortune-teller could have foreseen her future life as hostess in the winter headquarters of revolutionary commander in chief George Washington.

By Flora Fraser

Her role to come as hostess of presidential drawing rooms in New York City and Philadelphia was equally unimaginable. At the age of 18 in 1750, this pretty and vivacious young woman made a most advantageous marriage to a wealthy older neighbor, Daniel Parke Custis. Martha’s father was a respected clerk of courts in New Kent County, with a sizable estate of 500 acres. But the riches of her new husband were of a different order of magnitude. Daniel was heir to two Virginia fortunes, and sent tobacco from 18,000 acres of land in six counties yearly to London for sale. At the time of his death, his personal property and slaves were to be valued at £30,000 current money, and there was a further £10,000 in cash in Virginia and England.

"Martha Washington," Adrian Lamb, after Wollaston, 1981 (Anne Kingery)

The births of two sons and two daughters followed Martha and Daniel’s marriage. The Parke Custis line looked set to prosper at the White House, the family home 30 miles northwest of Williamsburg, the colonial capital. Though two of the children died young, there was no reason to suppose that there would not be additional siblings for Jacky, born in 1754, and his younger sister, Martha "Patsy" Parke Custis, born three years later.

It seemed that Daniel and Martha Dandridge Custis could look forward to a comfortable and genteel lifestyle and spent accordingly. They sent, with the hogsheads of tobacco shipped to London for sale, yearly invoices detailing the many and varied items to be purchased there. Carriages, silver, tea services, field hoes, and carpenters’ nails—the consignment trade supplied all this and more from across the Atlantic. Martha, who had always possessed a keen eye for quality, ordered fashionable dresses, haberdashery, and jewelry.

Then Daniel Parke Custis died unexpectedly in the summer of 1757, aged 45. More surprising still, he died intestate, without a will. In accordance with English common law, Martha and the children each received outright a third of Daniel’s personal property and cash, the children’s shares to be held in trust until they reached their majorities. Martha also received lifetime use of one-third of her late husband’s land and slaves, which would revert to the estate upon her death; as heir, three-year-old Jacky received the other two-thirds in trust.

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Martha Washington

10 Facts About Martha Washington

10 Facts About Martha Washington

From mother to First Lady, learn about Martha Washington's many important roles.

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Martha Washington

1731
1802
Martha Dandridge is Born
Martha Dandridge marries Daniel Parke Custis.
Martha Dandridge Custis gives birth to her first child
Martha Dandridge Custis gives birth to her second child
Martha's oldest child dies at the age of three
Martha gives birth to her third child
Martha gives birth to her fourth child
Martha?s father dies
Frances dies at the age of four
Daniel Parke Custis dies, leaving Martha one of the wealthiest widows in Virginia
Martha Dandridge Custis marries George Washington
Martha Washington?s daughter, Patsy has a seizure and dies
Martha Washington?s son, John Parke Custis, marries Eleanor (?Nelly?) Calvert
George Washington writes, asking his wife to come to stay with him at his winter quarters in Cambridge, Massachusetts
Martha Washington becomes a grandmother
Martha Washington heads for her husband?s winter quarters in Morristown, New Jersey.
Martha Washington?s becomes a grandmother for the third time
Martha Washington?s daughter-in-law, Nelly, gives birth to twin girls
Martha Washington?s fourth and last grandchild, George Washington Parke Custis is born
Martha Washington?s niece, Fanny, marries George Washington?s nephew, George Augustine Washington, at Mount Vernon
In New York, the First Family initially makes their home at #3 Cherry Street
Martha Washington becomes a great-grandmother for the first time
Martha Washington is widowed for the second time, with the death of George Washington
Martha Washington?s first great-granddaughter, Martha Eliza Eleanor Peter, dies
Martha Washington dies surrounded by friends, relatives, and slaves, about noon on May 22nd.

June 2, 1731

Martha Dandridge is Born

Martha Dandridge is Born

Martha Dandridge is born on June 2nd, at Chestnut Grove Plantation in New Kent County, Virginia, the oldest of eight children born to John Dandridge and his wife, Frances Jones.

Martha Dandridge marries Daniel Parke Custis.

Martha Dandridge marries Daniel Parke Custis. Martha Dandridge marries Daniel Parke Custis.

Martha Dandridge marries socially prominent Daniel Parke Custis, a vestryman from her family church, who is twenty years older than herself and someone she has known since childhood, on May 15th.

Martha Dandridge Custis gives birth to her first child

Martha Dandridge Custis gives birth to her first child, Daniel Parke Custis.

Martha Dandridge Custis gives birth to her second child

Martha Dandridge Custis gives birth to her second child, Frances Parke Custis.

Martha's oldest child dies at the age of three

Daniel, the oldest child of Daniel and Martha Custis dies at the age of three. 

Martha gives birth to her third child

Martha gives birth to her third child

On November 27th of that year, Martha gives birth to her third child, John Parke Custis; he will be known in the family as “Jacky” or “Jack.”

Martha gives birth to her fourth child

Martha gives birth to her fourth child

Martha Dandridge Custis gives birth to her fourth and last child, Martha Parke Custis, who will be known in the family as “Patsy.”

Martha?s father dies

Martha?s father dies

Martha’s father, John Dandridge, dies at the age of fifty-six.

Frances dies at the age of four

Frances, second child of Daniel and Martha Custis dies at the age of four.  

Daniel Parke Custis dies, leaving Martha one of the wealthiest widows in Virginia

Daniel Parke Custis dies, leaving Martha one of the wealthiest widows in Virginia

In July, Daniel Parke Custis dies suddenly, leaving Martha one of the wealthiest widows in Virginia, with two small children to raise alone.  Her reaction to Daniel’s death brings praise; Daniel’s lawyer, Robert Carter Nicholas, writes to her that, “It gave me no small pleasure to hear with how great Christian patience and resignation you submitted to your late misfortune; the example is rare, though a duty incumbent upon us all; and therefore I can not help esteeming it a peculiar happiness when I meet with it.”

Martha Dandridge Custis marries George Washington

Martha Dandridge Custis marries George Washington

Martha Dandridge Custis marries George Washington on January 6th, in a ceremony at her home.  The couple and the bride’s two surviving children will move to the groom’s home, Mount Vernon, in the spring of that year.

Martha Washington?s daughter, Patsy has a seizure and dies

Martha Washington?s daughter, Patsy has a seizure and dies

Martha Washington’s seventeen year old daughter, Patsy, who has been suffering for years, probably from epilepsy, has a seizure after dinner and dies within just a few minutes, about 5 o’clock on the evening of June 19th.  A funeral is held the following day and her body is laid to rest in the old family vault on the Mount Vernon estate.  George Washington writes to his brother-in-law that Patsy’s death has “reduced my poor wife to the lowest ebb of misery.”  During the rest of the summer, Washington makes a concerted effort to get her out of the house and see that she keeps busy.

Martha Washington?s son, John Parke Custis, marries Eleanor (?Nelly?) Calvert

Martha Washington?s son, John Parke Custis, marries Eleanor (?Nelly?) Calvert Martha Washington?s son, John Parke Custis, marries Eleanor (?Nelly?) Calvert

Martha Washington’s twenty-year-old son, John Parke Custis, marries sixteen-year-old Eleanor (“Nelly”) Calvert at the bride’s family home, Mount Airy Plantation in Maryland, on February 3rd.  His stepfather goes to the ceremony, but his mother is still too grief-stricken to attend.  Jack, his new bride, Nelly, and the latter’s parents and sister will visit Mount Vernon between March 1st and 7th.

George Washington writes, asking his wife to come to stay with him at his winter quarters in Cambridge, Massachusetts

George Washington writes, asking his wife to come to stay with him at his winter quarters in Cambridge, Massachusetts

In early October, George Washington writes, asking his wife to come to stay with him at his winter quarters in Cambridge, Massachusetts; she leaves Mount Vernon to be with him in mid-November, traveling with her son Jack, daughter-in-law Nelly, and her husband’s nephew, George Lewis.  She would arrive at his headquarters on December 11th.

Martha Washington becomes a grandmother

Martha Washington becomes a grandmother for the first time on August 21st, with the birth of her eldest surviving granddaughter, Eliza Parke Custis, at Mount Airy Plantation in Maryland.

Martha Washington heads for her husband?s winter quarters in Morristown, New Jersey.

Martha Washington heads for her husband?s winter quarters in Morristown, New Jersey.

Martha Washington leaves Mount Vernon in March, heading for her husband’s winter quarters in Morristown, New Jersey.

Martha Washington?s becomes a grandmother for the third time

Martha Washington’s becomes a grandmother for the third time on March 21st, with the birth of Eleanor Parke Custis, who will be called “Nelly.”

Martha Washington?s daughter-in-law, Nelly, gives birth to twin girls

Martha Washington’s daughter-in-law, Nelly, gives birth to twin girls, who live only three weeks; the exact date of their birth is unknown.

Martha Washington?s fourth and last grandchild, George Washington Parke Custis is born

Martha Washington?s fourth and last grandchild, George Washington Parke Custis is born

Martha Washington’s fourth and last grandchild, George Washington Parke Custis (known to the family as “Washy” and later “Wash”) is born on April 30th at Mount Airy Plantation in Maryland.

Martha Washington?s niece, Fanny, marries George Washington?s nephew, George Augustine Washington, at Mount Vernon

Martha Washington?s niece, Fanny, marries George Washington?s nephew, George Augustine Washington, at Mount Vernon Martha Washington?s niece, Fanny, marries George Washington?s nephew, George Augustine Washington, at Mount Vernon

Martha Washington’s niece, Fanny, marries George Washington’s nephew, George Augustine Washington, at Mount Vernon on the evening of October 15th.  Over much of the next decade, the young couple will make their home at Mount Vernon and assist the Washingtons in running the estate and entertaining guests.

In New York, the First Family initially makes their home at #3 Cherry Street

In New York, the First Family initially makes their home at #3 Cherry Street

Martha Washington and her youngest grandchildren, Nelly and Washy, set off from Mount Vernon on May 16th, accompanied by George Washington’s nephew, Robert Lewis, and arrive in New York on the 28th.  They leave Mount Vernon in the care of George Augustine and Fanny Bassett Washington.  In New York, the First Family initially makes their home at #3 Cherry Street, which has been rented for them by Congress.

Martha Washington becomes a great-grandmother for the first time

Martha Washington becomes a great-grandmother for the first time

Martha Washington becomes a great-grandmother for the first time, with the birth of Martha Eliza Eleanor Peter on January 20th.  The baby is described by granddaughter Nelly Custis (the child’s aunt) as, “a very fat, handsome good tempered, clever toad.” 

Martha Washington is widowed for the second time, with the death of George Washington

Martha Washington is widowed for the second time, with the death of George Washington

Martha Washington is widowed for the second time, with the death of her husband of forty years, George Washington, between 10 and 11 o’clock o on the evening of December 14th.  Sitting at the foot of the bed, she makes the statement, “’Tis well….All is now over[.]  I shall soon follow him!  I have no more trials to pass through!”  She will be too distraught to attend the funeral on December 18th and it would be two weeks before the shock of her husband’s death had worn off enough that she could cry.

Martha Washington?s first great-granddaughter, Martha Eliza Eleanor Peter, dies

Martha Washington’s first great-granddaughter, Martha Eliza Eleanor Peter, dies on August 31st; she was four years old.

Martha Washington dies surrounded by friends, relatives, and slaves, about noon on May 22nd.

Martha Washington dies surrounded by friends, relatives, and slaves, about noon on May 22nd.

On March 4th, Mrs. Washington adds a codicil to her will, bequeathing the only slave she owns outright to her grandson, George Washington Parke Custis.  In accordance with Virginia law, the remaining slaves at Mount Vernon, all of whom belonged to the estate of her first husband, Daniel Parke Custis, will be divided among her four grandchildren upon her death.

Martha Washington becomes seriously ill in early May with a bilious fever.  Both the doctor and minister come to care for her, as she makes preparations for her death and burial.  She will die at Mount Vernon, surrounded by friends, relatives, and slaves, about noon on May 22nd.

Martha, widowed at 26, showed herself self-assured and capable in adversity, including in her business dealings with the London merchant houses. Still, remarriage was an attractive prospect for the matron; a new husband would provide a guardian for her children and assume legal control of her property, which she had never imagined managing single-handedly. Finally, he would provide companionship and intimacy for the warm and sociable Martha, perhaps even blessing her with more children.

Martha did not make her choice of a second husband from within the upper tier of Virginia planters she had joined through her first marriage. Instead she chose George Washington, a young officer in the colonial Virginia Regiment who came wooing “the widow Custis” in the spring of 1758. Aged 26, Washington was no great landowner, merely his sister-in-law’s tenant at Mount Vernon, a plantation on the Potomac in northern Virginia. The difference in the pair’s social status and wealth was marked. But Washington was known in Williamsburg as an enterprising officer and once-industrious backcountry surveyor. If Martha gambled that he would prove an assiduous husband and responsible guardian of the Parke Custis estate, her instinct was rewarded.

Among the landed classes in the 18th century, marriages were as much financial as social contracts. But to promote the longevity of unions, it was important that couples be well-suited to each other. Divorce was expensive and rare, and required a Private Act of Parliament. Separation, though not uncommon, had financial and social consequences for both parties.

Martha and George had little time to discover whether they were well-suited before they wed on January 6, 1759. George had been serving for most of the previous year in the backcountry, and we know of only two interviews between them. Nevertheless, the marriage was to prove the happiest of unions, lasting more than forty years.

Explore the Courtship

"Washington's First Interview with His Wife," George R. Hall (1863) after John Whetton Ehninger. MVLA. Gift of Mr. and Mrs. Stanley DeForest Scott, 1985.

The couple’s temperaments proved complementary. Martha was all warmth and sociability, whereas George was naturally reserved and reflective. At gatherings of friends and family at Mount Vernon, he was happiest when seated apart, while Martha presided over the throng, an affable and expert hostess. All their married life, they were united in a common pursuit—the amelioration of the Mount Vernon estate, in which they both exhibited astuteness and business savvy, as well as an infinite capacity for attention to detail. In the 15 years before war erupted on American soil, George and Martha established a close partnership, using her dower share of the Parke Custis estate to embellish the Mansion and improve Mount Vernon, which he owned outright following the 1761 death of his brother’s widow.

The Washingtons’ lifestyle was typical of Virginia planter families. They attended balls in nearby Alexandria, and visited relations farther afield. Martha and the children also sometimes accompanied George to Williamsburg, where he was a member of the House of Burgesses. George and Jacky traveled to New York together in 1773, so that the young man could enroll in undergraduate studies at King’s College.

And yet there was sadness in the union, as the Washingtons had no children together. Still George acted as a father to both of his stepchildren children, keeping impeccable guardian accounts for them. He lavished time and care on Jacky’s education and upbringing, as he would have on a son of his own. Unfortunately, Jacky had little interest in schooling and was cosseted and indulged by his mother, developing wastrel tendencies that Washington deplored. But the couple negotiated even this vexed issue with some skill.

"George acted as a father to both of his stepchildren children, keeping impeccable guardian accounts for them."

Miniature portrait of John Parke Custis (1774), C.W. Peale. MVLA. Gift of Katherine Merle-Smith Thomas, 2010.

Miniature portrait of John Parke Custis (1774), C.W. Peale. MVLA. Gift of Katherine Merle-Smith Thomas, 2010.

Miniature portrait of Martha "Patsy" Parke Custis (c. 1772), C. W. Peale. MVLA. Purchase and partial gift of an anonymous donor, 2000.

Miniature portrait of Martha "Patsy" Parke Custis (c. 1772), C. W. Peale. MVLA. Purchase and partial gift of an anonymous donor, 2000.

By the age of 19, Jacky had entered into a secret engagement with the dowerless 15-year-old sister of a school friend. When the betrothal was discovered, he happily abandoned university studies to marry his “Nelly.” Martha was happy to have her son nearer to home. George, whose patience with his troublesome ward sometimes appears inexhaustible, consoled himself with thoughts that Jacky could now father a son and heir to secure the Parke Custis line.

Martha’s daughter Patsy Parke Custis was little more than a toddler when she arrived at Mount Vernon. Here her pleasant childhood was filled with schoolwork and music and dancing lessons. But as she approached puberty, she became plagued by “fits”—likely epileptic seizures. George and Martha were strenuous in their attempts to find a cure or relief for her affliction, but neither a journey to a spa in western Virginia nor treatment in Williamsburg had any effect. Patsy expired, aged 17, in 1773. Amid his own mourning, Washington’s paramount concern was to support his wife, who took her daughter’s death very hard. It compounded the swift succession of losses—two children, her father, and her first husband— which she had suffered earlier in her life.

The Washingtons were not hasty in joining the growing agitation for revolt against taxation viewed as illegitimate and imposed on the colonies by Parliament. In the years before war broke out, however, George was a signatory to two import bans, obtaining the goods instead on the domestic market. Then, in 1775, following dramatic sessions in the Second Continental Congress in Philadelphia, Washington was elected commander in chief of the nascent Continental army. As he departed for Cambridge, Massachusetts, and his new command, the newly minted General Washington wrote to his wife, “You may believe me...I should enjoy more real happiness and felicity in one month with you, at home, than I have the most distant prospect of reaping abroad, if my stay was to be Seven times Seven years.”

There was no thought then that Martha should join her husband in Massachusetts. It was understood that she, with Lund Washington—a cousin appointed to act as “factor,” or steward, in the General’s absence—would manage Mount Vernon. And at first Martha devoted herself to this task, refusing to depart even when rumor indicated that Virginia governor Lord Dunmore might attack the estate. Washington had fretted in letters from Philadelphia that his wife would find life difficult without him, but it was he who grew lonely and, in late autumn, asked her to join him at Cambridge.

Cambridge was the first of many winter headquarters over the eight years of war where Martha would act as hostess to her husband’s generals and aides de camp. She adeptly entertained congressmen, officials, and, in the course of time, diplomats and volunteers from France and Spain. She bore the vicissitudes of war with aplomb, writing to a Virginian friend from Cambridge, “some days we have a number of cannon and shells from Boston and Bunkers Hill.”

Officers and aides welcomed Martha’s presence in camp. Her husband’s mood softened and his spirits improved. General Nathanael Greene wrote to his wife in Rhode Island from Morristown headquarters in the spring of 1777: “Mrs. Washington is excessive fond of the general and he of her. They are happy in each other.”

Back at Mount Vernon Martha told her brother-in-law Burwell Bassett in December 1777: “he [George] cannot come home this winter but as soon as the army under his command goes into winter quarter he will send for me. If he does, I must go.” The call came, and she headed north for headquarters at Valley Forge, Pennsylvania. It became an established fact that Martha would join her husband at the close of each campaigning season, and leave him before the opening of the next. Accustomed to a luxurious home with every comfort, she shared tavern bedchambers with George for long months and inhabited cramped, rented rooms in New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and New York. When there were not enough secretaries to copy correspondence, she lent a hand. At dinner with the “family,” as the commander’s aides and secretaries were known, she sat on camp stools to eat off tin plates.

 

Learn More about Martha Washington at the Front

The General and Martha Washington at Valley Forge. Harry T. Peters, "America on Stone" Lithography Collection, National Museum of American History.

She was in residence at Valley Forge when word came that France was newly the United States’ ally. She was at Morristown in 1780 in the hard winter, when officers and men in the tents were buried like sheep under snow. Knowing that letters might be intercepted, Martha rarely complained in her correspondence. But she dropped her guard once when she described, to her brother-in-law Bassett, the recent atmosphere at the Morristown headquarters: “There was not much pleasure there from the distress of the army and other difficulties.... The poor General was so unhappy that it distressed me exceedingly.”

Washington had occasion to support his wife, as she supported him, during the war. In 1781, when he was only 27 years old, Jacky Parke Custis died from “camp fever”—typhus—contracted at the successful siege of Yorktown. Martha was at her son’s deathbed as was his young wife, Nelly. Washington, usually the dutiful servant of Congress, deferred participation in victory celebrations to bury his stepson and spend a few days at Mount Vernon with his wife—one of only two visits home during the entire war. But shortly thereafter, the couple departed for headquarters at New Windsor, New York. The fight for independence was too important to let private grief intrude for long.

Martha was at the general’s side at Newburgh, New York, in the spring of 1783, when news came that Britain had declared an end to hostilities. The eight years of war had strengthened the Washingtons’ individual characters and their bond as a couple. Now, in their early fifties, they looked forward to living retired at home together.

Though that period of grace began when George returned his commission to Congress in December, it ended all too soon. Within five years Martha was reluctantly packing, while Washington impatiently awaited his wife in New York, where Congress was in session and where he was inaugurated as the first president of the United States on April 30, 1789. Martha privately believed that her husband had served the new country long enough, but Congress had decreed otherwise. The Electoral College had been wise in its choice of president. In New York and later in Philadelphia, George and Martha forged, with grace and care, the roles of president and consort that endure to this day.

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